


Staying

by notrecielrose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, College Student Cas, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Mentions of addiction, Mild Fluff, More tags to be added, Recreational Drug Use, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:28:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notrecielrose/pseuds/notrecielrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is in his first year of college. He always considered himself a guy who was attracted to women, until he met Dean, an older mechanic who lives out of town. They share a joint and a kiss that leaves Cas second guessing everything he’s ever known. Cas and Dean both find a happiness they’ve never had, but then there’s a phone call from Cas’ ex. She’s pregnant and an addict. They have no idea how much their lives will change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the absolutely amazing TriDom

Cas’ phone vibrated while he was ringing a small lady’s bananas up. He knew it would be Jessica asking when he was coming over. He was already two hours late and couldn’t get the scale to work. This poor lady kept inching back from him as he pressed the buttons harder and finally just tossing them to the side and bagging them up.

Cas checked his phone and saw multiple missed calls, but then the boss was walking by so he hid it underneath the register again.

“You can leave now, Cas.” Mark, the store owner, said as he locked up the side door.

He took off his apron and left it behind and called Jessica on the way out.

“I’m off work, where are you?” Cas asked as he unlocked the car door.

“At Sam’s apartment. Are you coming?”

“Yeah, I just need to get some gas first. Need me to pick anything up?”

“No, Dean’s got it.” She said, and then there were muffled voices in the background.

“Dean? Sam’s brother Dean?” Cas asked. He’d only heard about him in passing conversation. Dean didn’t live around here and Sam rarely brought him up.

“Yeah. Drive safe. See you soon.“ She hung up the phone as Cas pulled into the gas station.

He put what money he still had in and then headed a few blocks over to where Jessica just recently moved in with Sam.

Which was still weird and was why she continued to call it Sam’s apartment.

Jessica and Cas had been friends since high school and decided to go to the two year college in their hometown until they figured out what to do with their lives. They are two very indecisive people.

When Cas walked in, there were a few people sitting at the round table off to the side of the kitchen. They were playing a card game with beers circled around them.

“Thank god.” Jessica said, grabbing his arm before he even shrugged off his coat. “I’m losing my mind.” She pointed to where Sam and another guy, who Cas assumed was Dean, were playing a video game. Then she held up a joint and nodded her head to the back.

“Who are the people at the table?” Cas asked as they walked through the hallway to their bedroom and then into the bathroom.

She sat on the counter and inhaled a couple times before passing it to Cas, who sat down in front of her, back against the shower door and took a hit while she blew out.

“Some randoms that showed up with Dean.” She said with her throat while the smoke was still leaving her lips. “I guess old friends of his.”

“Dean the one playing?”

She nodded and reached out again.

A little while later, after the bathroom was smoked out, they forced themselves to stand up and head back out to the living room.

“Hey, man.” Sam said, pushing pause to bump Cas’ knuckles.

Sam had taken him under his wing as well. They liked to smoke weed and talk about things, like if there was a god or not.

He stood to give Jess a kiss and Cas plopped down on the couch beside Dean, who actually didn’t look like Sam at all. Cas cocked his head to really look at him. Blonde short hair, green eyes. It was kind of relieving.

What am I saying? Cas thought.

It was quiet and then he realized the people at the table were gone, just a small line of smoke coming from an ashtray left behind.

“Dean.” He said, holding out his hand.

“I’m Cas.” Cas stood to shake it. “I don’t know why I just did that.” he said and sat back down.

Dean laughed, a deep laugh, and patted him on the shoulder.

“Good shit, huh?”

Cas could only smile.

“Wanna play?” Dean took the controller from where Sam left it while he and Jess were leaving the room, and pressed it into Cas’ hands, which felt tingly.

After dying a thousand times in a row, at least that’s what it felt like, Dean held up another joint and raised his eyebrows.

Cas made some sort of weird noise from that came from his stomach and Dean reached his hand out to help him up. Cas followed him to the other bathroom by the guest bedroom where he usually stayed.

“So Cas, how do you know Sam?” Dean asked, hopping up on the sink.

“Jess, actually. We grew up together.”

He nodded and passed it to him.

“What are you going to school for?”

“Nothing and everything, probably undecided.” Cas said, closing his eyes and inhaling.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry if that was a little deep, used to Sam and Jess.” Cas said and handed it back. His fingers brushed against Dean’s and they felt rough.

“Ouch.” He smiled, “You going to ask me anything?” He patted the counter beside him.

“Oh, well yeah, what should I ask?” I said, sitting down where his hand was.

“I’m a mechanic.”

“Cars?”

“Yup.” He nodded. “I’m single.”

“Me too.”

“And I’m gay.” He inhaled and held it up to Cas’ mouth.

“That’s nice.” Cas said, and wrapped his lips around it, not closing his eyes this time.

When Dean pulled his hand away, Cas leaned back against the mirror and stared at the back of Dean’s head. He had a scar peeking through his black t-shirt.

Cas’ stomach started to flutter and it freaked him out. He tried to blame it on the weed, but he did this so much he knew he was only lying to himself.

Dean was making Cas itch.

Dean turned and all Cas could see were his freckles scattered across his face and his bone structure. How his jaw clenched for a second and then Cas thought he was going to vomit.

“I’m not feeling well.” Cas said, sliding off the counter. He laid down on the extra bed and Dean followed, sitting on the edge beside him.

“Everything okay?” He asked.

“Of course. I worked a long shift after class. I’m a bit worn out.”

He gave a small chuckle and patted Cas’ leg. “I’m about to head out anyway. Gotta work in the morning. If you want to hang out or something, give me a holler any time.”

“How?” Cas asked immediately, forgetting to not sound like a kid.

“Give me your phone.” He pulled it out of my pocket and Cas froze. Dean’s hand in his pockets made his stomach flip and he started getting dizzy. Cas hadn’t felt anything like this in years. And it was never with a guy.

“Don’t be shy.” Dean said, placing the phone in Cas’ hands and wrapping his fingers around it.

Dean got to the door and Cas’ mouth started to move. “Are you hitting on me?”

It was so quiet Cas could hear Dean’s smile, “would that be a problem?”

“I’ve never been hit on by a guy.” Cas sat up, trying to see Dean through the dark, but all he could see was black.

“So you don’t know if you like it then, do you?” Dean asked and then he started walking towards him.

The flips were in full motion as he kneeled himself to eye level with Cas.

“If you like this, give me a call. If not, no hard feelings.” Dean said and then he wrapped his hand around Cas’ neck and pulled him into him hard, like Cas used to do with Meg junior year.

Dean’s mouth was on his, licking his lips until Cas opened, and then he was off and walking away. Gone without another word.

But Cas’ boner was throbbing and even though he hoped Dean hadn’t felt it, Cas shut that thought down quickly as he pulled it out and started yanking harder than usual.

Cas woke to Jessica brushing her teeth, sun blaring in through the window. “What are you doing today?” she asked after she spit, standing in the doorway.

He looked down at his phone to make sure Dean’s number was saved and that it wasn’t just another vivid dream, it was there though, which meant the kiss happened too.

He closed his eyes and his stomach flipped as he tried to feel Dean’s smile on his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by my best, TriDom.

Cas left pretty quickly after that, bumping into Sam who stood in the hallway with nothing but his boxers on, adjusting himself.

“Are you leaving already, Cas?“ Sam asked.

“Yeah, I need to get home.” Cas said, buttoning his coat and putting on his beanie while walking around him.

“Well did you and Dean at least have a good night?” Sam was following Cas through the living room.

Cas caught his breath and stopped walking.

“You two did stay up after us, didn’t you? Cas, did you get all philosophical on him?” Sam asked. “This is Dean we’re talking about. You probably confused the hell out of him.” He said, laughing and then running a hand through his hair.

“Oh. Yeah.” Cas nodded, taking another step to the door and turning the knob. “See you soon, Sam.” He said, and then stepped into the cold air.

There was a dust of snow that showed up overnight and Cas was worried his car wouldn’t start because of it. It was a hand me down Cobalt with a lot of miles on it, and had a habit of dying on him.

Cas turned over the key, there was a click, then nothing. Three tries later, it finally spit to life and he blasted the defrost, cold air coming out on his feet, for thirty minutes before he could finally see out the window.

While he sat there, he typed out ten different messages to Dean, but erased them all.

Cas’ parents were gone when he got home, so he showered and plopped down on the couch that used to be his great aunts, it was made of a corduroy type material and had floral prints on it, which fit in perfectly with the rest of the living room since nothing matched. His parent’s claimed to be hippies, but it really looked like his grandmother vomited everywhere. Cas turned on the T.V. which was actually decent since his father got to pick it out, but he only used it as background noise as he scrolled through his phone. When it dinged, he almost dropped the phone on his face.

It was Dean. _Take it you didn’t like it then?_

Cas’ stomach heaved. He had to press down on his chest to keep from freaking out. When he calmed down, he tried to think of something to say.

_I did like it._

Cas waited seven minutes for a reply.

_Dean: Cool._

Cool? What does that even mean? Cas started to freak out again and was second guessing the entire situation when it dinged again.

_Dean: Want to hang out tonight?_

And then he smiled and everything was okay again.

_Yeah, what should we do?_

_Dean: Want to have dinner? I got to get off work and get ready._

_Okay, yeah. Dinner sounds great. There’s this place down the road called The Diner. Want to meet there?_

_Dean: Will do. See you around 8._

Cas had to make himself not text him back. He made that mistake in high school once, and that opened a door for Meg that was almost too hard to close.

Cas woke up with his mother standing over him a few hours later. She tapped his arm and picked up the blanket he had wrapped around him and folded it.

“Family night.” She smiled down at him. “We’re going to meet your father for dinner.” She said.

Cas looked down at his phone to see it was already 6:30 and he had a new message from Dean that said: _I’m on my way, it’ll be a couple hours._

Dean was driving hours to see him and Cas could feel a slight tingle under his jeans at the thought of the night before again.

“Um, I have plans tonight, mom.” Cas said, sitting up and leaning over to cover his pants.

“You never have plans.” She grabbed her purse and waved her arm at him.

“I really do.” Cas said. She wasn’t buying it though. “Jessica and I have a project due Monday in Psychology. We’re going to work on it.”

She sighed and looked down at her watch. “Okay, no procrastinating.” She said and shut the door behind her.

All Cas could do was pace the house. He checked his phone constantly, brushed his teeth a couple times. He even tried to make himself look okay, but nothing was working.

Cas battled with himself over if he should call Jessica. He didn’t want to go into detail with her just yet, but he quickly caved after digging through his closet for a pair of jeans that didn’t have holes.

“Hey what’re you doing?” Jessica said, like she did every time she answered the phone.

“I need you to come dress me.” Cas said.

“Castiel Novak, oh my god, what is happening?” Jessica’s voice lit up. Cas could feel her energy through the phone and it made him that much more nervous.

“Just get here.” He said.

10 minutes later Cas heard Jessica’s car door slam and he sat on the edge of his bed, listening to her let herself in.

“Okay, I’m here. What’s up?” She asked, walking in holding a can of coke and staring at the pile of clothes on the floor. “And since when did you become such a girl?”

“I, uh” Cas started as he grabbed the back of his neck. “I kind of have a date.” He said, shrugging and walking back to the closet.

“Spill.” She said, pointing back to the bed.

“It’s not a big deal.” Cas tried to laugh.

“You’re right, it’s a huge fucking deal and I’m not helping you until you tell me who.” Jessica grabbed Cas by the arm and drug him to sit down.

“Fine, okay. I’m going to hang out with Dean.” Cas said as she took a drink.

Jessica’s eyes were wide and Cas heard her gulp hard. She hit her chest a couple times and then wiped her mouth.

“I know.” Cas shook his head. “I know.”

“You know what?” She said, her face and tone both softening.

"It’s crazy.” Cas said, suddenly becoming insanely self-conscious. He looked away and focused on a thread unravelling from his blanket.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jessica asked, snaking her head in front of his. "Nothing about that is crazy. I just wasn’t expecting it. Did it start last night at the apartment?”

Cas nodded.

“Did you kiss?”

Cas nodded again.

She leaned closer, propping her elbows on her knees. “Did you, you know?” Her cheeks turned a little pink but she was smiling and Cas could see her mind reeling.

"Jessica, no.” Cas said, silently trying not to freak out. He hadn’t really thought about it. Would Dean expect him to? He was older. What if that was all he wanted. “Oh god.” Cas let slip without realizing until Jessica was on her feet.

“Hey, hey now.” She said, pulling him up with her. “No freak outs. Let’s get you dressed.” She smiled, a big smile. The best friend kind of smile. The only one that could put Cas at ease.

An hour later Cas was sitting in his car outside The Diner dressed in the nicest jeans he could find, at least the holes weren’t noticeable, he thought. And a gray long sleeved v-neck. It was a little tight, but Jessica was persistent. He stretched out the stomach while keeping his eyes locked on the parking lot.

Dean said he would be in a ’67 Impala. Cas had never seen one and barely heard of them so he decided to look it up on Google, and then he immediately felt like an idiot. He killed it before Dean showed up, despite how cold it was, because he didn’t want him to hear the rattle under the hood that Cas’ dad was too proud to take in, but too mechanically challenged to fix himself.

When Dean pulled up, Carry On My Wayward Son was blaring through the speakers. Cas had to give himself a pep talk before getting out of the car.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean said, smiling as he walked around the front of his car. “I’m starving, you?”

“Hey.” Cas said, feeling the waves in his stomach the closer he got to Dean. “I am, yeah.”

“Good. Let’s get some food.” Dean patted his shoulder and let Cas lead the way.

Cas started biting the inside of his cheek as they walked in and found a booth on the empty side of the café. He didn’t realize until he broke skin. He ran his tongue over it, willing himself to calm down. To stop rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans.

They were quiet while they looked at the menus. Cas could barely stay focused enough to even see his, let alone read it. He knew they had a chicken strip dinner so he decided to go with that.

“You fellas ready?” A salt and peppered haired lady asked, pulling out a pen and pad.

“I’ll have your bacon cheeseburger and fries.” Dean said.

“Sure thing, sweetie.” She reached for his menu and turned to Cas. “And what can I get you?”

“I’ll uh, I’ll have the chicken strip dinner.” Cas said, looking at his already closed menu.

“You got it.” She said, collecting his as well and walking away.

“Hey.” Dean said, looking at Cas. Cas was suddenly aware of the salt and pepper shaker vibrating against the table from his leg bouncing up and down. “It’s okay.” Dean said.

Cas nodded and tried to smile, but mostly he felt like he was going to be sick.

“It’s scary as shit. I know.” Dean said, looking around the room. “But let’s just hang out tonight, no worries.” He smiled and Cas noticed Dean’s eyes smiled with him.

“Okay.” Cas returned the smile while glancing down. He looked back up and felt his cheeks starting to get pink. He needed to change the subject. “Where do you live?” He asked.

“Tahlequah.” Dean said, rolling the straw wrapper around his finger.

"Is that where you’ve always lived?”

“Nah, just when Sam and I had to move in with my Uncle Bobby.”

Cas thought about the plain tan buildings with the red Seminole State College sign out front beside the Trojan mascot symbol.

“Why did Sam choose this shitty school instead of Northeastern?”

“Why did you?”

“Because I forgot to think.”

Dean laughed. It was a deep laugh. A genuine one, and suddenly Cas wasn’t ripping at his cheek anymore, because he was smiling. An open mouthed smile.

"Well there’s your answer.” Dean said. "Let’s talk about you. What do you like to do?”

Cas’ mind went into panic mode. He suddenly couldn’t think of a single thing he liked to do.

“Uh, I mostly just work and hang out with Sam and Jessica.” He got out. “Of course I actually like to do things, I’m just.” He stopped and looked at Dean. “I’m really nervous. I can’t think .” He admitted.

“You don’t have to.” Dean reassured him. “I’ll talk about me.” He winked at Cas. “I spend most of the time in my garage under the hood. I like to hunt, anything outside really.” He said. “Have you ever been hunting?” He asked as the waitress came back with their food.

“Careful, it’s hot.” She said as she placed the plates down in front of them. “Anything else?” She asked as she took a ketchup bottle out of her apron.

“I think we’re good.” Dean said, already squirting ketchup onto his plate.

Cas tore a chicken strip in half and shook his head. “I haven’t ever been.” He said.

“Maybe I can take you sometime.” Dean said, before taking a huge bite of his burger. “Mmm, this is fucking good.”

Cas laughed. “You should be here during breakfast.”

“In that case, would you like to have breakfast with me next Saturday?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows.

Cas couldn’t help but blush. “I would, yeah.” He said quietly and smiled.

“Good.” Dean nodded, swooping a few fries through the ketchup.

A little while later the waitress came back with the ticket. “No rush.” She said, but Cas could see her constant glances throughout the next couple of hours. Even after they ordered coffee and pie.

The longer they stayed, the more Cas could feel himself relax, his muscles didn’t feel as tight anymore.

He could also feel Dean’s leg almost touching his and a surge of electricity shot through him rather than nausea.

But even that couldn’t stop Cas from feeling on edge throughout the awkward silences.

During one of them, Cas looked up and saw the waitress staring again. “I think she’s over us.” Cas said and Dean turned around.

“Let’s get out of her hair.” He said, grabbing the ticket and walking up to the counter. Cas followed, pulling out his wallet. “I don’t think so.” Dean said, pushing it closed. “I asked you out on a date, I got this.” He smiled and grabbed a couple mints from the bowl on the counter. He popped one in his mouth and handed the other to Cas.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas said, turning red and looking at his feet, which were shuffling.

“My pleasure.” He said. “Really.”

They stood between their cars, neither knowing what to do.

“I had fun.” Cas said. “Thanks, again.”

“I did too, Cas.” He grabbed Cas’ forearm and squeezed. “Can I kiss you?”

Cas looked around, and nodded. He didn’t really want anyone to see, but he wanted that kiss much more. Plus, their cars were parked in the dim lit part of the lot.

Dean kissed him slow and soft. Cas could taste mint along with the salt as Dean ran his tongue across Cas’ lips. Dean ran his fingers along the back of his neck, over to his collarbone, and rested them there.

The roughness of Dean’s touch on him made Cas’ mind completely shut off. Cas deepened the kiss, opening his mouth with Dean following. He laid his palm against Dean’s back, feeling the distinct muscle lines. So different from the bony backs Cas was used to.

“How do you feel?” Dean asked, pulling away.

“I’m still in the process of figuring it out.” Cas said and then quickly panicked. “I like it though, I do.”

“I like you.” Dean said. “So, Saturday then?”

“Yes.” Cas said under a winded breath.

“Maybe before?”

“Yes.”

“Can I text you when I get home?”

Cas nodded. “Drive safe.”

“I will.” Dean said, wrapping his fingers around Cas’ for half a second. “See you soon.” He smiled, and they parted ways.

“See you soon.” Cas repeated as Dean shut his door.

Cas waited for Dean to leave before starting his piece of shit car.

The lights were fading fast behind Cas as he drove home. All he thought about was how quick his heart was beating and how he could still hear the roar of that Impala.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely TriDom

The morning after, Cas still laid awake feeling everything other than utter boredom. He was able to keep his mind on something other than the streetlight bouncing off the wall, and it was refreshing. Spending time with someone who made all his senses feel, who made his heart beat unlike any drug, well, that was something to lose some sleep over, he thought.

Cas watched as the first peeks of morning were starting to sneak their way through the curtains. He laid still, watching the sun’s rays inch their way across the room until a beam fell beside him.

He wondered if he should text Dean, but while he battled with himself over what he would say, his phone went off. Cas rolled over to hide his face under the pillow in order to see the screen.

_Jessica: I woke up because I want details. Stop withholding._

_I’ll come by in a little while._

_Jessica: Sigh. I will wait by sleeping._

It was Sunday, Cas thought as the sound of a timer sounded off downstairs. Sunday breakfast. He listened as his mother fumbled around and the smell of homemade gravy sifted its way to him.

He sat up, pressing his toes onto the hardwood floor, feeling the cold creep deep into them before he found his house-shoes. He slipped his phone into his sweats pocket and took the stairs two at a time.

“Morning.” Cas said to his parents as he poured a mug of coffee and took a seat at the table by his father, who held up a finger, gulped down his last drink, then nodded.

“Now it can be.” He said. “Missed you at dinner last night.” He pulled out his glasses and opened his book where the toilet paper bookmark stuck out at.

“We did.” Cas’ mother jumped in, sitting a pan of cooling biscuits down in front of them. “Did you and Jessica get much done?”

“Yeah,” Cas said, grabbing a couple and breaking them into small pieces on his plate, covering them with gravy and grape jelly. “We still have more to do though so I’m going to head over to her place after breakfast.”

“We know you’re busy, son, but don’t forget about us old timers here.” His father said, scraping his teeth on the fork as he took a bite and lowering his book.

“I won’t miss the next one.” Cas placed his plate in the sink and stood at the counter for a moment. “It was good, mom.” He kissed her on the cheek and went to throw on some clothes before leaving.

Cas laid on the floor at Sam and Jessica’s, his phone held above his face waiting on Dean’s reply. Jessica hung off the edge of the couch, still in her pajamas and bedhead while Sam went to take a shower.

“Finally.” She said, sitting upright and rubbing her hands together. “I’m so ready I can’t hardly stand it.”

“Jess.” Cas moaned and covered his face. He could feel the heat rising. “You didn’t tell Sam did you?” He peeked through his fingers to watch her reaction.

“Of course not.” She held out her hand, palm facing Cas. “So hurry before he gets out. How was it? Did you kiss him again? Start talking.”

“Then stop talking.” Cas said, rolling over to press his face into the carpet. “It was good. Yeah.” He muffled into his hands. He thought about the night before. About the way Dean’s hand gripped the back of his neck as he leaned into him. Cas felt his cheeks lift and his teeth grind against the carpet. “I really like him, Jess.” He sat up and his phone buzzed.

“Dean?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Cas said, still smiling, this time at his phone.

“Invite him over. We’ll order pizza and watch a movie. Consider it your second date.”

“Sam.” Cas said.

“Is his brother and won’t think anything of it. I got you.” She winked, walking toward the bathroom where the faucet was still running.

A few hours later Dean was at the door holding two boxes of pizza.

“One large pepperoni” he said, sitting them down on the coffee table. “One large cheese.”

“Four bud lights.” Jessica said, passing them out. “Should we do the clinky thing?” She asked.

“The what? The clinky thing, babe?” Sam laughed, using his shirt to twist off the cap.

“You know exactly what I mean.” She threw hers at him.

“Hey now.” Sam grabbed her around the waist and brought her into him, kissing her neck as she giggled.

“Stop.” she tried to say between laughing and keeping her feet on the ground. “Baby, you’re going to make me spill my beer.”

Cas looked over at Dean while Sam and Jessica were preoccupied. Dean was already staring at him, a small grin curved up on one side. Dean held up his beer to Cas and said, “Clinky thing, then?” Cas clipped the rim of his bottle to Dean’s and they both took a hard swig.

“Well I don’t know about you guys, but that was one long ass drive so I’m going to grub before this food gets cold.” Dean said, plopping down on the ground and kicking off his boots. “Stay a while, Cas.” He tilted his head toward the floor beside him and held up a paper plate.

Cas slowly knelt down, and grabbed a couple slices of the cheese before trying to get comfortable.

“I’ll get the lights and start the movie.” Jessica said, breaking free from Sam.

“Thanks for coming, Dean.” Sam said, patting his shoulder while leaning between him and Cas to grab some pizza.

“Yeah, yeah. It feels good to be here, Sammy.”

“It was Jess’ idea.” Sam laid down on the couch to the left of where Cas and Dean were sitting.

“A good one, I might add.” Jessica said, climbing into Sam’s lap and laying against him.

“Of course.” Sam kissed her and suddenly Cas felt the urge to lean over and do the same to Dean.

Dean must have been thinking the same from the side glance he gave Cas. He scooted a little closer and touched Cas’ wrist with his finger before pulling back once the TV lit up with previews.

Halfway through the movie, Cas and Dean made their way close enough to touch arms. Cas could feel Dean’s move with every breath and a part of him wanted to hold his in order to hear it as well.

By the time the end credits were rolling, Sam was snoring.

“Hey.” Jessica shoved him, trying to wake him up. “Sam, let’s go to bed.”

“I’m awake.” Sam said, shooting up.

“You’ve been out for the majority of the movie, come on.” She grabbed his arm and yanked until he stood up, slouching over. Jessica gave him a little push and he started to stumble toward the hallway.

“Dean, you’re welcome to stay.” She said, while making sure Sam didn’t run into the wall.

“Yeah, Dean. Stay.” Sam mumbled through rubbing at his eyes.

“Alright, little brother.” Dean said. “Get yourself to bed now. We’ll hang out tomorrow.” he waved them on and Jessica looked over at Cas.

“You should stay, too.” She said. “We can carpool to class in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay.” Cas said quickly. And Jessica and Sam went to bed.

The heater kicked on, and Cas knew it was loud enough to muffle their voices if they were quiet.

“You look tired, Cas.” Dean said, leaning forward a little. Not enough to touch him, but enough to feel the warmth of the air they shared.

“I am.” Cas sighed. “I didn’t get any sleep last night.” As he said it, he could feel his eyes start to flutter and the weight of sleep deprivation fell on his chest all at once.

“Why’s that?” Dean asked. Cas noticed how low his voice was. He noticed the gruff of it.

“I uh, I was thinking about things.”

“Things?”

“You.”

“Me.” He said, letting out a breath with a hint of a relieved laugh. “I know the feeling, Cas. I couldn’t stop thinking of you either.”

Cas looked down at the floor, but saw nothing but black. There was only the light off the scentsy candle coming from the kitchen counter. Cas didn’t know if Dean could see much of him, but the light hit Dean well enough that his eyes gleamed a little.

They were quiet for a few moments that felt like hours to Cas until Dean cleared his throat.

“What classes are you taking?” He asked.

“I’m mostly in the gen ed classes right now.” He said, and then he realized that Dean didn’t know what those were. Dean had nodded, but he looked away. Cas’ chest hurt at the thought of it. “I have Psychology and a history course with Sam and Jess. Enlgish Lit, and Algebra 1.” He added. “Nothing too fun yet. Tell me about being a mechanic. How’d that start?”

“I’m good at it.” Dean said. “My dad was gone a lot growing up, and well if you know Sam, you know my mom died when we were young. We stayed with my Uncle Bobby a lot. In the middle of nowhere really, not many people around so I just learned things as I grew.”

“I’m sorry about your mom.” Cas watched Dean  advert his eyes and  he saw a dent in Dean’s cheek where he must have been biting at. “Do you like working on cars?” He asked. Cas didn’t want Dean to feel awkward or to feel obligated to explain what happened. He already knew, and his heart hurt more seeing Dean remember it than it did with Sam. He tried not to feel bad about that.  

“I do.” He nodded, but Cas saw him swallow before. “Bobby gave me free rein and he was always impressed. It felt good.” He shrugged. “You’ll have to come see the shop sometime.”

“I suck at car things.”

“Nothing I can’t teach you.” He winked.

“Deal.” Cas let out a low laugh from his throat, Dean watching him with a wide smile.

The heater kicked off and they fell quiet.

“You should get some sleep.” Dean said so soft that Cas had to lean in to hear him. He grabbed Cas’ hand and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles.

“Are you going home tomorrow?” Cas asked, watching Dean form patterns on the back of his hand.

“I can stay.”

“There’s this movie playing at the dollar theatre and I don’t know maybe we could go see it if you wanted to” Cas strung together without taking a breath. “if you, uh, you wanted, to go I mean.” He could feel himself start to stutter and lose words, so he shut his mouth and turned away.

“It’s a date.” Dean said, smiling. He leaned in and kissed Cas, a small quick kiss. “Go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow evening.” he nodded toward the back bedroom.

“Good night.” Cas said, feeling how cold he suddenly was.

“Night.” Dean said, watching Cas walk away before grabbing a blanket and falling into the couch.

The next morning, Cas and Jessica snuck quietly by Dean on the way out. Cas stopped to stare at him while Jessica was gathering her things together. He was spread out as much as he could be. One leg bent with a knee sticking out from under the blanket, his other leg propped on the couch arm. His face was hidden by his arm and almost buried in the cushion. He looked warm. He looked peaceful.

Cas found himself longing. He longed to feel that way. He wanted to be warm.

“Let’s go.” Jessica mouthed and Cas stepped into the biting wind.

“Is Sam not coming?” Cas asked.

“He’s staying to spend some time with Dean.” She said, locking the door behind her.

They went through the drive thru at Mcdonald’s for coffee and while they were waiting at the window, Cas’ car started to blow cold air.

“Cas, you need to get this shit fixed.” Jessica said, shivering. She pointed the vents away from her, making them shoot toward Cas. He flipped them closed and groaned.

“I know. Trust me, I know.” He said, cranking the knob all the way over as he started to drive away.

“Have Dean work on it. Just imagine watching that.” She said, blowing on the mouth hole of her Styrofoam cup.

“Oh my god, shut up.” Cas said, trying to balance his while turning the steering wheel. The streets were covered in dirty slush left over from the snow that didn’t quite melt the day before.

“I’m just saying.” She shrugged.

“Are you kidding me? How embarrassing is that. Have you seen his car? I won’t even let him hear mine start.”

“Cas, honey. I bet my left breast it woke him up this morning.” Jessica said, patting her chest.

“I’d prefer we not have this conversation right now.” Cas pulled into the school parking lot, driving around until he found an empty spot. “Did you do the reading for English Lit?” He asked.

“I had to do something besides stalk your date Saturday.” She said, throwing her bag on her shoulder and creaking the door open. “I’m sure you didn’t though.”

“I read a little.”

“Yeah? Where’d you get to?”

“The guy went to the castle, I saw the word dragon. Okay.” He threw his free arm up in the air as they stepped in stride together, heading to the liberal arts building. “I couldn’t focus. I didn’t retain a damn word.” He sipped at the lid to see how hot the coffee was, but decided he was tired enough to risk the burn.

Jessica flipped her bag around to the front of her and unzipped the front pocket, pulling out a folded bundle of papers. She put them in order, handing it over to Cas.

“I took some notes. Start here.” She pointed at the star at the middle of the first page. “I was bored okay?”

“You’re an angel.” Cas said, scanning over them as they continued to walk.

“Someone has to be.”

During the hour break Cas and Jessica let themselves have to eat, they sat on the floor in the corner of the building where the vending machines were at. Cas was too busy texting Dean that he didn’t eat except for a bag of chips Jessica tossed at him.

_Dean: How’s school?_

_It’s okay, pretty boring actually. What are you doing?_

_Dean: Having lunch with Sam. He’s talking to me about some research paper… Not really paying attention._

_So Sam, haha_

_Dean: I’m ready for tonight_

_Me too_ Cas typed out, feeling his stomach tingle. He closed his eyes and laid his cheek on his propped up knees, looking out at the door. The icicles that were hanging on the building were starting to fall, and he watched as little black birds pecked at the puddles near them. He watched with a film over his eyes because his mind was more focused on seeing the silhouette of Dean the night before.

That evening, Cas and Dean were sitting at the back of the movie theatre. The lights hadn’t gone down yet and the same three trivia questions kept rotating on the screen.

“Oh, I know this one.” Dean said, pointing at the question he answered five times already.

“No way?” Cas pretended to gasp and Dean tossed a handful of popcorn at him.

“Oh, oh. Toss it up. Toss it up.” Dean sat up on the edge of his seat with his tongue hanging out. “Tah eh uh.” He rolled his wrist over in a hurry-it-up motion.

Cas started laughing and tossed a couple pieces of popcorn in the air. Dean, missed and one hit him in the nose, and shooting straight across the aisle after Dean let out a breath through his nostrils.

“Shhhh.” Dean put a finger to Cas’ lips as they both tried to quiet down.

“Okay, okay.” Cas said, sitting back. He had to cover his mouth to stifle the aftershocks.

“Ah, I love spending time with you.” Dean said, touching Cas’ arm. Cas moved his hand up and slid his fingers between Dean’s.

“Me too.” Cas said, pressing the back of his head to the seat and turning to stare into Dean’s eyes. Cas noticed a slight pink pop up on his cheeks before he looked away.

When the lights went down and the movie started, Dean bent over and kissed Cas’ jaw. Cas leaned into his face and let out a sigh. His breath caught and his pulse quickened. He could feel the sweat start to form at his neckline.

Dean’s every touch awakened Cas.

When the movie was over, the night was already blanketing over them. It was a black night, the stars and moon both hidden by a thin layer of clouds threatening the next day’s snow storm. They walked to the back corner of the lot where the Impala sat under a streetlight.

“Climb on into Baby.” Dean said, opening the door for Cas. Cas loved that. He always forgot with Meg, it was never a priority for him. But it made Cas feel important. Dean cranked up the heater and pulled his jacket tight around him as they waited for her to warm up.

“I won’t be able to come back down until Friday evening.” Dean said.

Cas felt his stomach drop. He knew it had nothing to do with Dean shrugging him off, but he immediately felt bummed out.

“I have to get some work done at some point.” He gave his side grin. “But I do recall a breakfast date, yeah?”

“I’ll miss you.” Cas said and then slammed his mouth shut. “I don’t, I’m sorry. Fuck, I don’t know where that came from.” Cas looked down at his lap, his entire face the deepest shade of red possible. He was on fire. He didn’t know what else to say so he grabbed the door handle when Dean reached out and stopped him.

“Cas, hey.” His voice was smooth and lower than usual. “Don’t.”

Cas shook his head. “I freaked you out. It just slipped.”

“Good.” Dean said. “Good. You didn’t freak me out. God, Cas. Just calm down. You didn’t say anything wrong. These past few days have been great. Really great. I’ll miss you too.” Dean grabbed his shoulder.

Cas nodded but his mind wouldn’t let him form words. He thought back to Meg and how with her, when she said anything remotely similar, he was done for the moment. But with Dean, it was him who unraveled.

Dean put Baby in drive and looked over at Cas. “I’m looking forward to trying some chicken and waffles though, I don’t know about you.”

“It’s going to blow your mind.” Cas said, even though his body was still tense. His mind hazy, trying to sort through his thoughts.

“Of course, I’ll be sitting across from you.” Dean said, taking all of Cas’ instincts to shut down and shattered them.

Cas pushed his back into the seat. He wanted to say more but all he could think about was how different this was.

He knew he would miss him. He was falling for him. He knew that and it scared the shit out of him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely TriDom.
> 
> thank you all for reading so far. i hope you're enjoying it. let me know! :)

Cas took a hard drag on what was left of the joint he and Jessica were sharing to mellow out. They were sitting in the dark apartment complex parking lot, waiting on Sam to get in the car. It was four in the morning and the last day of finals before Christmas break. They decided to hit the library because Sam wanted to study.

“Hey, are you guys ready?" Sam asked, opening the door and tossing his bag behind the seat.

 "Yeah, here." Jessica held out a pop can for Cas to drop the remains in and handed it over to Sam. He jogged over to the dumpster, dodging patches of black ice and threw it in. There was a loud clatter from the lid hitting metal and Sam was back.

Sam's car was already warm by the time they pulled out onto the secluded street. Cas laid his head against the window and closed his eyes. He let the high and the warmth take him under until Jessica was hitting his knee, looking down at him and telling him to get out.

"It's too early, why are so many people here." Cas said, rubbing his eyes.

"The same reason we are." Jessica said, waiting on Sam to lock up the car.

Sam tossed his bag over his shoulder and said "everyone trying to make sure they pass."

Jessica stared at him, her eyebrows scrunched together. "No." she said with a face of disgust. "more like free pancake breakfast."

Sam laughed. "Of course."

All Cas brought with him was a pencil. His motto was, he either knew it or he didn't, and right now all he cared about was food. He had a few hours to panic. He'd save it for later.

When Cas slid into his seat in Psychology, he pulled out his pencil and phone while everyone waited on their professor. He saw a missed message from Dean.

_Dean: have a good day today and good luck._

Cas' typed out a reply and thought about how well the past couple of weeks had been for him. All the messages and phone calls. The touched and kisses. All of the butterflies and waves of dizziness he fell under each time.

"Your Dean smile is showing." Jessica said quietly, leaning over practically in his ear.

"Stop talking." Cas pushed her shoulder back to her seat and ignored her giggle.

After their last final, the parking lot was practically empty. They all climbed in, not really talking.

"I think it went pretty well." Sam broke the silence.

Neither Cas or Jessica answered.

"How do you two feel?" He asked anyway.

"I don't want to jinx it." Cas said.

"Baby, please. We can talk after I take a nap." Jessica mumbled through the seatbelt she had her face shoved against.

When they got back, Sam ran ahead of them to unlock the door.

"I think I'm going to head home." Cas said, stopping at his car.

"You can come in and crash." Jessica said, leaning her back on the side of Sam's car as Cas opened his door.

"I'm alright." He said, propping his foot on the edge.

"Go hang out with Dean. Ooooh, aren't you off the next couple days?"

"Yeah. Part-time perks." Cas said.

"Go stay with him." she straightened up.

"He lives two hours away and he probably has to work.” Cas said, shaking his head.

"Call him.” She walked over to stand by Cas. “Call him now. I guarantee you he'd love that." 

Cas kept shaking his head, his heart already pounding. “I can’t just invite myself over, Jess.” He said, sitting down in the car while she stepped into the door frame trying to block out the wind.

"Just tell him you have the next two days off. See what he says.” She tapped her cellphone and tilted her head to Cas' phone in his hand.  
  
"Fine.” 

Cas dialed Dean's number and rested his forehead against the steering wheel while it rang. He counted, trying not to get sick, it rang four and a half times when Dean's grunted voice came over the phone. It sounded even deeper.  
  
"Well hello.” He said. Cas could hear music in the background and clinking noises. 

“Hey, Dean. You sound busy, I can call you back.” Cas rushed out.

“Hey, no. I’m just at the shop. What’s up?” He asked. It sounded like he moved somewhere quieter because all Cas could hear then was the wind.

“I just, um, wanted to see you again and I have the next two days off so I didn’t know if you wanted to-”  
  
"Yes.” He said, “of course I do. Do you want to come here? You can stay with me.” The excitement in his voice caused him to talk faster and Cas' nausea was replaced with the butterflies.

“Okay, yeah. I’d like that. I’ll be on my way soon.” Cas said, smiling up at Jessica who was holding her cheeks in her hands, open mouth smiling through them.

"Oh my god.” Cas said, after he hung up. “I’m kind of freaking out.”

Jessica grabbed Cas' face and squeezed. “I’m totally freaking out.” She laughed. “You have to come over immediately when you get back. Now go, it’s a long drive. Text me when you make it.” She said, before waving and running to her car again. 

Cas went home to pack some clothes and left a note on the counter for his mom saying he was crashing with Sam and Jessica and not to worry.

It was the most stressful two hour drive ever. He was worried his car would die half way and cringed of embarrassment when he played out situations in where he had to call Dean. He started to relax a little when he got into town until he couldn’t find the street Dean said to turn down. After thirty minutes of being lost, Cas finally found the dirt road, which was even worse on his car.

It dropped hard, the tires crushing over the gravel until he saw the red mailbox Dean described with the rusted wagon wheels framing the long driveway.

When Cas stepped out of the car, he could hear music from the barn that sat to the left of the two story house in front of him. He walked over and popped his head in the dark and dusty room. Dean had a car sitting up on a lift and was underneath it with a slew of different types of tools that Cas couldn’t name for the life of him.

“Hey.” Cas said a little too quiet. He couldn’t even hear himself over the radio. “Hey.” He said louder, bending down to Dean’s level.

“Hey you.” Dean kicked his feet off the ground and pushed himself until he was directly below Cas. Cas stared into his eyes, watching Dean’s upside down smile spread up to them.

He couldn’t help himself. He sat down on his knees and lowered his head to press his lips against Dean’s. Cas could feel a slick line of sweat over Dean's top lip.

“That was nice.” Dean said, holding out his arm for Cas to pull him up.

“So what are you working on?” Cas asked, looking up at the truck that was tilted at a 90 degree angle.

“One of Uncle Bobby’s old trucks just for shits and giggles.” Dean shrugged.

“Was all this his?”

“Yep. Left it to us.”

“I’m sorry.” Cas said. It was all he could think to say.

“Don't. He’s away from all this mess now.” Dean kissed Cas’ cheek and Cas leaned into him, feeling his warm lips spark against cold skin.

“Did he leave you Baby, too?”

“Baby was my dad’s.”

Cas nodded and Dean wrapped his arms around him. Cas breathed in the scent of motor oil and dirt that clung to Dean and he studied the grease smudges that lined Dean’s jaw and smeared his arms. Cas took it all in and had the want to feel Dean’s dirty body against his.

Cas went for it. He stood on his tiptoes and put his mouth to Dean’s. Dean picked Cas up and Cas wrapped his legs around his waist. He was suddenly worried about how heavy he might have felt and then he tried to figure out how to position himself so his swelling dick wasn’t poking into Dean’s ribs.

Dean left the radio on as he walked out of the barn. He carried Cas though the house, Cas kissing Dean from his jaw to his neck. Dean was moaning as he laid Cas on the bed. Cas’ breathing quickened and became shallow, looking up at him.

Cas,” he said, “we don’t have to do anything right now.”

“I want to.” Cas pleaded. “It’s all I can think about.”  
  
That’s all it took and then Dean was over Cas letting him unbutton his jeans, Dean stepping out of them. Dean's dick stood straight up and Cas could feel Dean watching him watch him. But Cas had no idea what to do. This wasn’t Meg, who Cas could throw on the bed and stick his fingers in until she begged for more. Cas looked away, turning red and trying to calm himself down before it got noticeable, but he was only making it worse.

“Cas.” Dean said, not moving. 

“I don’t know what to do.” It embarrassed him to admit.  
  
Dean took Cas' dick in his hand, “don’t worry, you can just learn as we go.” 

Cas could feel the grit of the dirt that clung to Dean's body hair as he lowered himself onto him and kissed him deeply. Cas thrusted into Dean, Dean pushing back and groaning into Cas' neck.  
  
Dean kissed Cas in ways he had never been kissed. He made noises Cas had never heard. They weren’t fake screams or high piercing squeals or pants. They were deep and guttural, they set every nerve in Cas' body out of control.          

“I’ve been thinking of how this would feel.” Dean moaned into Cas' ear. And he almost lost it right then and there. Cas took a deep breath and ran his fingers down Dean'a sides, grabbing at his ass and thrusting again.

“Cas. Feels so good.” Dean started rubbing Cas' dick up and down while their bodies pressed harder and harder against each other. “Not yet.” He said as Cas raised his body into the air and threw his head back. “Do it with me.” Dean wrapped his lips around Cas' earlobe and sucked until Cas could feel the heat of the small bruise he knew would be there.  
  
Dean pulled harder and Cas couldn’t contain the noises escaping his mouth. “Yeah, Cas. Just like that.” Dean said, as Cas bit onto his shoulder and locked his legs. “How’s that feel?”   
  
Cas groaned, he couldn’t talk. But he tried when Dean asked again.   
  
"Good,” Cas breathed. “Amazing.” And then they moaned into each other’s mouths as their come leaked out over Dean's hands and onto Cas' stomach.   
“God, Cas.” Dean said, biting his lower lip and then kissing Cas. Dean's eyes were glinting and he couldn’t stop staring at Cas as they both pushed into each other with aftershocks.

Cas was breathing hard, resting a hand on Dean's chest, and another clinched in his hair. Cas shook his head. “I don’t really know what to say right now.”  
  
Dean smiled and got up to hand Cas a towel to clean up, then laid beside him and threw the towel to the ground. 

“Don’t say anything, just come here.” And he pulled Cas into his arms. Cas laid his head on Dean's chest and intertwined his legs in Dean's as they drifted into sleep before the sun even set.

When Cas woke, it was still dark outside. He could only make out Dean’s face by the light of the moon coming in through the window. He was already awake, looking at Cas. He didn't move as Dean took a finger and traced Cas' face. Across the bridge of his nose, along his jaw, back to his lips.

Dean leaned down to kiss him closed mouthed and squeezed him tight.

"Did you get enough sleep?” He asked.  
  
Cas nodded, not wanting to scare him off with his morning breath. 

"Good. I ‘m going to shower and then cook us something to eat.” Dean said, then he smiled and turned his face down to look at Cas more closely. “Or you could shower with me.” Dean grabbed his hand and led the way without a single hesitation by Cas.

Dean blew Cas with the water running down his back and bouncing off his head. and then Cas blew him even when the water went cold. Every once in a while Cas would gag and have to come back up, but Dean would rub his head and say it was good. Cas couldn’t go down very far, but he remembered what Meg did once and sucked the tip of his dick while jacking the rest.  
  
After Dean came, he raised Cas up and kissed him, Cas could still taste himself on Dean's lips.

“That was amazing.” Dean said. Cas looked away, feeling embarrassed.  
  
“I’ll get better.” Cas promised.   
  
They watched the sunrise while sitting on the porch swing, drinking coffee and eating the biscuits and gravy Cas watched Dean make, while sitting at the bar. The trees were silhouetted against the dusky sky and the few stars that lingered around were slowing fading behind the light and the strokes of bright pinks and oranges coming up from behind the hills.   
  
“I told Jessica.” Cas put his plate on the porch and snuggled up closer to Dean under the pile of blankets. “I told her how much I like you. I was scared.” 

“Are you still?”

"Not as much. She made me feel okay.” Cas smiled, “and you make me feel better.”

"Sounds good to me, as long as I get to do this.” Dean said and made deep wet kisses up Cas' neck.  

“Mmm,” Cas said. “You can do that all you want.”  
  
“Then let’s go back inside.” Dean pulled Cas from under the blankets and drug him by his belt loops until they got inside, where Dean pushed him up against the door, stripped off his shirt, and kissed Cas from his neck, down to his pant line, licking where his pubic hair was starting to stick out.

Cas' phone vibrated and Dean pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to him.

It was from Meg. 

_I really need to talk to you. Don’t ignore this message…_  
  
Cas rolled my eyes and tossed his phone onto the couch. She was as desperate as they get, he thought, but forgot about her and the message as soon as Dean took Cas' balls in his mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Tridom <3
> 
> I'm sorry this took me a while. I was on a Gishwhes team, so the last week was spent running around like a crazy person. Thank you Misha Collins. Hope you enjoy it! Thank you for reading this far. :)

**Chapter 5**

Cas and Dean were sitting on the edge on an old worn out bridge on a dirt road where a friend of Dean’s from the shop grew up. The creek bed was dry except for the thin layer of snow barely covering the rusted garbage and unwanted household appliances at the bottom.

Cas wrapped Dean’s heavy jacket around him tighter while Dean pulled out a bag and rolled them a joint to share to warm up a bit, or to numb them to the cold, either way.

They passed it back and forth while the sun was starting to set. They were stalling. Cas would blow his hot breath and remaining smoke in front of him, watching it intermingle with the chilly air until it was gone. He thought about the weekend he and Dean had together. Them watching movies into the early hours of the morning, laying on Dean’s lap. Dean running his fingers through Cas’ hair. He closed his eyes and replayed Dean leaning down to his ear and gently mumbled this feels so good, Cas. Cas had turned to look up at him, hoping Dean couldn’t see his eyes start to water before he looked away.

Cas opened his eyes to see their legs pressed against each other, Dean’s hand making a trail from Cas’ fingers, down his leg, and circling around his knee, and back up again.

Cas took the last hit and threw it beneath them and Dean stood and reached his hand out to help Cas up. Then Cas was against Baby, both their arms wrapped around each other.

“This is so weird.” Cas huffed out a laugh once they pulled themselves apart. He looked up and saw Dean’s eyes flicker toward the ground, and pulled him closer again. “Because I didn’t know something could feel so right.” Cas leaned up and kissed Dean’s cheek, who wrapped his arm around Cas’ neck and pressed his lips to Cas’s head.

Dean felt the cold sweat beading beneath Cas’ hairline and he breathed in his own shampoo. Cas was lost in his head, back to Dean’s bed. Dean had fallen asleep and Cas laid still, feeling the rise and fall of Dean breathing.

They stood there for a moment, Cas nestled his face in the nook of Dean’s shoulder. He thought about what he just said, about how nothing was honestly this right for him, not until right now.

Their hands held tight onto each other as lights faded and a concoction of wet air and dust came through the vents. Cas squeezed and Dean stomped down on the gas.

Cas couldn’t tell if his heart was beating so fast because of the acceleration or because of Dean’s smile.

  
When Cas got home, his mom was sitting in her reading chair, glasses falling off her face as she dozed into the cushion. He shut the door as quietly as he could, tiptoeing past the creaks in the floor and made his way upstairs.

He stripped off his clothes and texted Dean to let him know he made it before climbing in the tub and hovering over the faucet. He cupped his hands and let the hot water run off his wrists onto his chest. He laid back once it was full, lowering his head, only leaving his nose above.

Cas’ mind swam in his thoughts. He thought about the scruff on Dean’s face rubbing against his face, his neck, his chest. He raised up, breaking through the water. He took a deep breath and exhaled, undid the bath stop and turned on the shower.

If Cas closed his eyes, he could feel himself back in Dean’s. He kept the thoughts of Dean’s tongue rolling around in his mouth fresh in his mind. He reached down and gripped at the base of his dick, imagining Dean’s rough hand yanking instead and all of a sudden Cas was shooting toward the drain.

When he went to bed, he made himself hide his phone under the pillow to keep from waking Dean.

  
It finally felt like Christmas break. Cas’ parents were already gone by the time he woke up, so he laid in bed the whole time. He texted Dean until he got swamped at work so he played trivia games until Jessica showed up.

“Hey.” Cas said, halfway sitting up when she knocked and then walked in.

“Hey.” Jessica said back, falling into the bed and hiding her face in the other pillow.

“Tired?” Cas asked.

“Fucking exhausted. And why? I’ve been sleeping all day.” She rolled over and propped herself up against the headboard.

Cas looked over at the clock, one o'clock. He groaned. “I’m so tempted to call in.”

“Do it. We’ll go get some food and watch a movie.” Jessica said.

“I’ll get fired.”

“Cas, you work at a grocery store. You’ll be fine.”

“You’re such an enabler.” Cas laughed.

“True. I’m also bored and you have an entire weekend of details to give me. So.” She said, nodding her head to the phone. “Pizza or Chinese?”

“Ugh, Jess.” Cas said into his hands. “I have to go.”

“Fine.” Jessica shoved his shoulder. “We have time for the fun talk though.” She smiled, raising her eyebrows.

“I am not talking to you about that.” He flushed a bright shade of red and threw his face into the blanket.

“Oh, come on!” She practically squealed. “Did you do it? Castiel, did you have sex with Dean Winchester?” Her smile reached her eyes.

“No, technically no.” Cas said.

“No technically no.” Jessica repeated. “Makes a shitload of sense.”

Cas groaned again, but wasn’t able to hide his dorky smile.

“Look, there it is.” Jessica pointed. “The Dean smile.”

“Stop it.” He shoved her hand away. “We did, things” Cas drug out.

“Oh?”

“That’s all you need to know.” Cas jumped out of bed and started digging around his top dresser drawer for his work clothes.

“Someone is smitten.” Jessica said, making kissing noises.

Cas dropped his head and shook it, giving a small laugh. “I am.” He said.

“This is so amazing.” Jessica said. “Really. It’s so nice to see you actually care about someone. Watching you with Meg was a trainwreck.”

“Speaking of.” Cas said.

“No.”

“She texted me the other night. I didn’t reply.”

“What the hell did she want?”

“I don’t know. She said she needed to talk, that it was important and not to ignore her.”

“Cas.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to text her back.”

Jessica was quiet. Cas looked up and saw her biting at her nails.

“What?” Cas asked, anxiety washing over him.

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Jessica said, shaking her head. “Let me know if she texts you again.”

“Okay, yeah.” Cas nodded. He raised his clothes in the air to tell her he’d be a minute, and went to get dressed.

At work, it was slow. There was a basketball game going on at the high school, so after five o'clock, it started to dwindle down. Cas squeezed his ass into the little spot where he kept the grocery sacks, and pulled out his phone.

The cashier behind him was leaving on her register belt, flipping through a magazine. “I’m going to take a smoke break.” She said, to the front end manager was sitting up in her booth, who was eating dinner.

“Okay,” she said, as the cashier walked out. “When she gets back in, you can start cleaning.”

Cas nodded, looking around to see if anyone was in the store before going back to his phone.

It was 9:30 when Cas walked through the front door. His parents were sitting on the couch, his dad giving his mom a foot massage.

“Hey there, son.” Cas’ dad said.

His mom raised up, walking to the kitchen. “Dinner is in the fridge, I’ll heat it up for you.” She said.

Cas sat down at the table, followed by his dad as his mom started the microwave and made Cas a glass of tea.

“How was work?” She asked, digging her hand into the bag of ice.

“It was really slow, actually.” Cas said, feeling his phone vibrate and trying not to look at it.

His parents had a no phone rule during meals. His dad heard it though and followed Cas’ eyes to his pocket.

“Friend or friend?” He asked, with a hint of smile playing on his face.

“Uh, it could be Jess.” Cas, felt himself getting pink in the ears.

“Or?” His mom pushed, placing a plate of Italian sausage and bell peppers in front of him. She walked back to the fridge for a bottle of ketchup and slid it over to Cas as she sat on the other side of him.

Cas shoved his mouth full and popped open the ketchup, concentrating on trying not to turn red.

“Does our boy have a girlfriend?” Cas’s dad asked, taking a drink of his own tea.

Cas listened to the ice clink around and shook his head.

“No?” His mom looked over at her husband. “A smile stretching wide, showing her teeth. “A boy?” She asked, looking back to Cas.

Cas took another bite. He chewed. He swallowed. The whole time knowing his face had already tomatoed out.

“A boy.” Cas’ dad said. “What’s his name? Where’s he from?”

“You’ve been leaving us in the dark, Cas.” His mother chimed in. “This is exciting news.”

“Uh, Dean.” Cas said, staring at his plate. “Sam’s brother.”

“Oh, give us more than that.” His dad said.

“Guys.” Cas covered his face.

“Okay, okay.” His mother said, putting her arm around his shoulders. “I’m happy for you.” She smiled and it was warm.

“Thanks.” Cas said. “Can I eat now?”

“Come on, dear.” His dad pushed in his chair. He looked back and winked at Cas before leaving the room.

Cas pulled out his phone. There was a voicemail from an unknown number.

“Cas, I texted you. I asked you not to ignore me.” Meg’s voice was quiet. “I can explain everything later, but I really need to talk to you.”

Cas rolled his eyes and shoved away his plate.

  
The next weekend, Dean came down. Cas met him at The Diner where they took their booth in the back.

“How was your week?” Dean asked, sucking up half his coke.

“I haven’t done shit.” Cas said. “Well, I worked a couple days, but other than that, I’m glued to my bed.”

Dean laughed. “Lucky ass.” He said. “Okay, you know how I told you I almost died yesterday?”

“Yeah.” Cas nodded, scooping eggs onto a slice of toast. “You said a car started to fall while you were under it.”

“Let me tell you the entire story now.” Dean, pointed at him. He placed his burger down and started to get into it. Dean couldn’t talk without his hands, and Cas loved that about him.

After dinner, they drove to the town lake. The entrance gate was never locked, so it didn’t matter how late it was. Cas showed Dean where to park, out past the gazebo, and they both climbed on the hood.

They were quiet for a little while, Dean’s arm underneath Cas’s neck, both of them looking up at the stars.

Cas placed his cold nose on Dean’s, but pulled away when he started to sniffle.

“Tell me something.” Cas said, burying his face into Dean’s jacket.

“Like what?”

“Anything.”

“I fold over my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches once I get halfway through.”

Cas smiled. “Keep going.”

Dean wrapped his other arm around Cas and rested his chin on Cas’ head.

“The only music I like is classic rock.”

“As if I couldn’t tell.” Cas’ laugh was muffled.

“My favorite noise is crunching leaves.” Dean said, a little quieter than before.

“Why?”

“It reminds me of hunting with Sam and Uncle Bobby.” Dean cleared his throat after he said it. “Your turn.”

“I eat ice cream with a fork.” Cas said, raising his head enough for Dean to hear him. “I can play the guitar.”

Dean stopped him. “Can you really?”

“Yeah.” Cas said. “Maybe I’ll show you if you’re lucky.”

“I’m always lucky.” Dean smiled.

“Tell me about your past relationships.” Cas said, watching the shadows fall on Dean’s face.

“Honestly, I haven’t really had any. I mean, here and there every once in a while, but I don’t know. I felt too married to my family and working to ever keep up with a relationship.” Dean said.

Cas nodded.

“There was this one guy.” Dean started, and Cas already felt a ping of jealousy. He knew he had no right, but it didn’t stop it from happening. That’s when he realized he had been hoping he was the first and only guy Dean had been with.

“His name was Benny.” Dean said, he laid his head back and closed his eyes. “It was right after my dad died, we had been friends for a while and I was pretty drunk, pretty vulnerable. I made a pass at him and he went with it. We saw each other for a while, we didn’t date or anything. Then it just tapered off. I haven’t seen him in forever.” Dean shrugged and squeezed Cas’ hand. “Nothing since.”

Cas didn’t know what to say so he rubbed his thumb over Dean’s knuckles instead.

“I only had one.” Cas said. “Her name was Meg. I never really liked her, but I felt like I had to.”

“Why’s that?” Dean asked, rolling to his side to see Cas better.

“Honestly, because she was into me and everyone thought I was crazy for not being into her. So I went with it. I was glad when it ended.” Cas said, sitting up. He looked out at the lake. He could see ripples near the bank by the reflection of the moon.

“How did it end?” Dean asked quietly, sitting up with him.

Cas kept his eyes on the water. There was a thin layer of fog hovering above and it looked like it was shining. He wanted to dip his face in it, he wanted wrap him and Dean in this fog blanket and fall asleep.

“I finally caught her fucking some other guy. It was all I needed to break it off. Just quit answering her messages and calls.” He shook his head. “She started back up though. I haven’t answered.”

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas’ waist and propped his head on his shoulder. They could hear a splash, and then were silent enough to hear the lapping of water on rock. They held hands while listening to the crash of the waves.

“I want to tell Sammy.” Dean finally broke through the quiet. “I want to tell him you’re my boyfriend. Is that okay?”

Cas smiled. He didn’t know it was possible to smile so big, so wide. “Yes.” He said, pulling Dean into him and kissing him without holding back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it's taken me so long to post on here. I moved, didn't have internet for a while, and life has been crazy. But expect another chapter very soon! <3 
> 
> Beta'd by the amazing TriDom :)

Cas laid in bed, his phone silencing hours before, his mind only getting louder. He gave up on sleep. He was basking in his buzz. Dean told Sam, Jessica had messaged him the details. 

 

Cas scrolled back to the beginning of the conversation for the ninth time. 

Jessica: Dean is here

Jessica: He just grabbed him and Sammy a beer

Jessica: Why didn’t he bring me one? 

Jessica: I can’t get up to get one, what if I miss something?

Jessica: What should I do? 

Run? 

Jessica: lol i’m okay 

Why am I so nervous?

Jessica: Because you officially have a boyfriend and you actually like him. Feels great, right?

Jessica: Oh my god, can we all go bowling tomorrow? I’m asking Sam later

What’s happening?

Jessica: Oh yeah

Jessica: Just making small talk right now

Jessica: I’m getting bored. He needs to hurry

But really though

Jessica: Okay here we go 

Jessica: Dean just said “so I have a boyfriend now”

Jessica: I almost squealed 

Oh my god

Jessica: Sam said “Oh?”

Jessica: Dean nodded. Sam asked who

Jessica: dun dun dun, your name has been dropped

Oh my god

Jessica: A noise accidently came out of my mouth. Sam is staring at me

Jessica: He asked me if I knew. Am I in trouble?  

Jessica: Awwwwwwwwwww

What? WHAT

Jessica: He gave Dean a hug and said he was really happy for you two

Jessica: They’re down for bowling

Jessica: I’m going to get a beer now

 

Cas stopped reading and covered his gigantic smile with his pillow. He moved to his window sill, watching the sun rise behind the houses and trees and wondered if Dean was awake yet. He sent him a good morning text and threw on some clothes. He wanted to run. He ran, breathing in cool air until his chest hurt. He grabbed a coffee and walked back home, listening to his breathing settle down and the drips of ice melting from the trees. He had taken a shower, made breakfast for his parents, and started reading the book that had been sitting on his nightstand forever before Dean had finally texted him back. 

 

Dean: Someone had an early morning

I never went to bed. How’d you sleep?

Dean: I fell asleep with a certain someone on my mind so it was great. Want to go grab breakfast?

That sounds amazing. I’ll meet you there

Cas was waiting on Dean in the back booth, the one they always seemed to sit at. He smiled to himself as he thought about them having “their booth.” 

When Dean walked in, he looked like he had just rolled out of bed. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair sticking up in the back. Cas started to yawn, but didn’t feel the first bout of sleep deprivation until Dean was soaking his waffles in syrup. 

“You look exhausted.” Dean said, holding eye contact. 

“I am.” Cas gave a sigh like laugh. 

“Let’s get this to go and head back to Sam’s and take a nap.” 

“No, it’s okay. We can finish first.” 

“Can I get two to-go boxes?” Dean asked the waitress who was passing by. 

“Sure.” She nodded.

“Dean.” Cas said.

“You go home and get some sleep. Meet me at Sam’s when you wake up?” Dean smiled, handing Cas his box. 

Cas nodded and Dean walked him to his car. Dean pulled him into a hug and Cas swore he could have fallen asleep right there on his shoulder. 

 

When Cas got home, he drug his nail into the box to mark a C on it, and tossed it into the fridge. He climbed the stairs, his parents still asleep, and fell into bed. He didn’t even have time to think before his heavy eyelids closed on him. 

 

When Cas finally woke up, he left for Jessica’s. 

He saw Sam and Dean sitting on the couch, playing Call of Duty when he opened the door. 

“Hey, Cas.” Sam said as he clicked the A button on his controller repeatedly. 

“Hey, Sam.” Cas said, sitting beside Dean. Dean reached out for his hand and Cas saw Sam glance at them and smile. 

A few minutes later Jessica walked in with a towel on her head and a cup of coffee in her hand. 

“Awww.” She said. “This is picture worthy. Don’t move.” She left the room and came back with her phone. 

“Babe.” Sam said. 

“Jess, seriously?” Cas said. 

“Both of you shut your mouths right now.” Jessica said, snapping the picture and then falling into the recliner. “What time are we heading out?” 

“Whenever you want, baby.” Sam said, turning his body with the controller as he dodged a bullet. 

“I want to grab dinner and drinks first.” Jessica said. 

“Yes.” Dean said. “That.”

“Let’s go to that secret noodle place.” Cas said. 

“Oh yeah, good idea, Cas. I love that place.” Sam said. 

“Secret noodle place?” Dean asked.

“It’s like back in this corner by itself, but it’s so good.” Cas said. 

“I’m down.” 

Cas watched as Dean looked around the room and then back at him. He had this look in his eyes, and then he leaned into Cas’ ear and whispered “this feels so good.” 

Cas could only smile and nod, but his heart felt like ripping from the happiness he could feel through Dean. 

A few hours later, they were sitting at the bar of the noodle place, Jessica and Cas both getting tipsy. All of them laughing. Cas couldn’t help himself from being handsy, but Dean didn’t stop him at all. 

Cas  put his hand on Dean’s cheek and said “you’re so fucking handsome.” 

Dean laughed and said, “that’s you, baby.” 

“I like that.” Cas said. 

“Me calling you baby?” 

“Mhm. I like that a lot.” 

“Good. I do too.” Dean said. 

Cas started laughing and put his head on Dean’s shoulder. 

“You’re so fucking cute.” Dean said, chuckling. 

“That’s you, baby.” Cas said, both of them laughing harder. 

Dean held Cas’ hand as they walked to the bowling alley. Cas pretending he wasn’t drunk in the slightest, while Jessica was behind them saying “hello there” to everyone who passed by. 

“You’re weirding them out.” Sam said, wrapping his arm around her to keep her on the sidewalk. 

“I don’t give a fuck.” She said, a little too loud. “If they don’t like me being nice to them, I.don’t.give.a.fuck.” 

“Okay, well here’s a couple coming up.” Sam laughed. 

“Hello there!” she yelled out. “they didn’t even look at me.” Jessica said.

“Fuck them.” Dean called back behind him. 

“Yeah, what he said.” Jessica said. “Fuck ‘em.” 

When they got to the bowling alley, they ordered a pitcher of beer and took the lane the farthest down. 

Cas sat as close to Dean as possible while Dean rested his hand on his knee. 

“You guys are so damn cute.” Jessica said. 

“Aren’t we?” Cas said, tipping his plastic up and gulping down fast, not tasting anymore. 

“Aren’t they?” Jessica turned to Sam. 

Sam laughed, taking Jessica’s cup from her. 

“I’m not driving though.” 

You’re not puking either.” Sam said. “Now go bowl.” He slapped Jessica on the ass as she stood to grab her ball. 

“Wait until we get home.” She said. 

The four of them got lost in conversations and laughter that didn’t even make sense. They forgot to finish the game and just left early. 

On the way, Jessica sang to everyone in the car. Cas rolled down the window, letting the wind hit his flushed face, Dean’s hand spread across the seat, drawing patterns on his back.

Cas looked over his shoulder and smiled at him and that’s all it took for Dean to scoot up beside him. To let him rest his chin on Cas, to plant a small kiss on his neck, and close his eyes feeling Cas’ body move as his fingers danced to the music. 

“You guys can stay.” Sam said, as he killed the car. Then he chased Jessica up the stairs and into their room. 

“Let’s go back to your place.” Cas said. 

“Want to?” Dean said, lifting his eyes from Cas’ lips to his own eyes. 

“I do.” 

“Come on then.” Dean grabbed his hand and started walking toward the Impala. 

“I can drive.” Cas said. “I’m not drunk anymore and I don’t want you to have to just turn around tomorrow.” 

“Then stay longer.” Dean smiled, pushing the small of Cas’ back to the passenger side and opening the door for him. 

Cas turned and grabbed Dean’s face with both hands. He kissed him, then slid into the seat as Dean shut the door behind him. 

Cas fell asleep thirty minutes into the drive. Dean turned the radio down, but kept holding his hand. 

Cas started to stir when Dean hit the gravel road. When he pulled into the drive, he walked around and opened Cas’ door. 

“Hey, baby.” Dean said. “We’re here.” 

Cas leaned up and immediately felt the cold air. “Holy shit, I didn’t even realized I crashed.” 

“You crashed hard.” Dean laughed. “Come on.” He helped Cas out and into the house. 

“Are you still tired? You feel okay?” 

“No, I feel great.” Cas said. “I slept it all off.” 

“Hungry?” Dean asked. 

“I just want you.” Cas said, pushing Dean against the wall. “I want it all this time though.” He said into Dean’s neck. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Positive.” 

Dean groaned and started stripping their clothes off. “Don’t be nervous.” He said. “We’ll go slow.” 

Cas followed him up to the room, his heart beating too fast, his hands getting sweaty with each step. Dean sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling Cas to stand in front of him. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked. 

“Yes, Dean.” Cas said, leaning closer. “I want this. I really want it.” 

Dean pulled Cas down by his neck and kissed him hard. He grabbed Cas’ dick and rubbed as he sucked on his lip. 

Cas kept pushing himself forward until Dean was on his back. 

“Just take your time.” Dean said. “Watch me for a minute.” 

He spread and raised his legs, licked his fingers and pressed them to his asshole and rubbed in small circles before putting one in. Cas watched him move in and out until he grabbed Dean by the wrist and pulled him away. Cas went to put his finger in, but pulled back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

There were five hundred different thoughts clouding his mind. Cas started to mentally freak out as he moved closer to Dean’s asshole. He had never done this before. He never wanted to get that close to Meg. 

“Cas?” Dean was quiet and started to sit up. 

“Sorry.” Cas said, Dean’s voice breaking through his panic. 

“Don’t apologize. Hey, we don’t have to do this.” 

“No, no. I want to. I just, I don’t want to hurt you.” Cas rushed out. 

“There’s lube in my drawer.” Dean said. “Try not to worry.” He smiled. 

Cas opened the drawer and found it, but he couldn’t help but glance around at everything else inside it. There were pictures of him and Sam standing beside a man in a wheelchair. There was a worn journal with papers and sticky notes popping out in every direction. He heard Dean start to shuffle behind him and quickly shut the drawer. 

Cas handed the lube to Dean who rubbed some onto Cas’ dick. He was slow with it, really taking his time. 

“Okay.” Dean said. “Come here.” He coaxed Cas toward him and brought his hand to his prostrate. 

Cas started to finger him, slow at first. He watched as Dean bit his lip and threw his head back. The faster he got, the more Dean started to thrust himself upward. 

“That’s it.” Dean moaned. And Cas felt his dick start to throb. He had never felt this turned on before. 

Cas pulled out his finger and rested the back of his hand on Dean’s ass. He rubbed it against it, feeling the softness of his hair.

“Are you ready?” Dean asked, slightly out of breath. 

“Are you?” Cas asked, not being able to take his eyes away. 

Dean pulled him in and Cas gripped his hands on Dean’s hips. He closed his eyes, pushing in and feeling how tight Dean was. 

Dean groaned hard. “Keep going.” He laid through clenched teeth, spreading his legs a little further. 

Cas pushed until he was all the way in and he could’ve came right then and there. He held still, trying to focus. But Dean was rocking himself into Cas. 

“Fuck.” Dean said. 

Cas started to thrust and the noises coming from his throat were unlike anything he’d ever formed before. 

“Little harder, baby.” Dean said, leaning forward and pulling at his own dick. 

Cas dropped lower and started moving faster, slamming himself into Dean harder, until he felt himself cumming and lock up over Dean. 

“God.” Dean groaned loudly as he came right after. 

Cas slipped his dick out, cum and lube all over it, and stood up. “Do I need to get off you?” He asked. 

“No, you’re okay.” Dean brushed Cas’ chin and sat up to kiss him. “I’ll be right back.” He said, going to the bathroom, tossing a rag to Cas, and then shutting the door.

Cas cleaned himself off and dropped the rag on the floor, unsure what to do with it. He got in bed and pulled the covers over him, feeling his big, stupid grin. 

He couldn’t believe how amazing he felt. It was nothing like with Meg. This, this was beyond words, he thought.

He heard a flush and turned on his side to watch Dean’s naked self join him in bed. Dean slid his arm under Cas’ head and kissed him again. 

“Was that okay?” Cas asked. 

“That was fucking phenomenal.” Dean said, pressing his lips to Cas’ nose. “How do you feel?” 

“Oh my god. I feel so good.” Cas laughed, Dean laughed with him. “I’m so snacky.” Cas said. 

“I’ll make some popcorn, you pick out a movie.” Dean pointed to his DVD cases under his TV. 

Cas thumbed through them and settled on Step Brothers. He put it on and sat back in bed, listening to the popping, the beeps, the shake of a bag, the thumping of feet coming up the stairs. 

Cas’ heart felt so at peace. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are enjoying this! Let me know :)  
> Thank you for reading and commenting. You're the best. <3

Cas was stoned off his ass, standing in front of the snack covered pool table at the party Jessica drug them all too. He had been lying on the couch, Dean running his fingers through his hair while they watched Sam roll a few joints, when she busted in bringing a gust of snow with her.

"It's New Year's Eve." She had begged. "It's just upstairs."

None of them could argue with her, so they settled with pre gaming on the bathroom floor until they were only down to two joints.

 

Dean was filling a plate with meatballs and popping  little smokies in his mouth when a group of guys came in saying their car wouldn’t start.

“Dean and I can probably help.” Sam said and Dean rolled his eyes.

“I’ll be back.” He told Cas and followed the group out into the cold.

Cas was still nodding when he took a bite of a pin wheel he couldn’t remember grabbing.

“Fuck, I feel good.” He laughed when Jessica came to stand beside him.

“We should just go back and listen to music.” She laid her head on Cas’ shoulder and closed her eyes. “I feel spinny now.”

Cas started to laugh and then almost choked. Across the room, with a bottle in her hand was Meg. She had her back turned to him, but it was easy to recognize. He had spent a lot of time staring at the back of her head.

“Shit.” Cas said and ducked his head. “Meg is here.”

“What?” Jessica jerked her head up. “Oh my god.” She said when she spotted her.

“We have to get out of here. Let’s go tell Sam and Dean to meet us at your apartment.”

“Cas.” Jessica stopped. Her hand gripped around his arm. “Cas go.” She pushed him toward the door and stumbled out after him.

They were halfway running down the stairs, trying not to slip.

“I’ll just text Sam.” Jessica said, spinning Cas to the left instead of going down another flight of stairs.

They were inside, Cas wiping his nose that had been running since they ran into the chilly air. Jessica had her hands on her face, shaking her head.

“Cas.” Jessica finally said. “She was pregnant.”

“What?”

“I mean, I’m pretty fucking sure." Jessica sat down on the kitchen counter. “Maybe that’s why she’s been calling.”

Cas was pale. But he swallowed his slight panic.

"How big was she?"

"Like, a few months maybe?" Jessica threw her hands up. "I'm not good at that stuff. She looked skinny everywhere but her belly."

"It could be anyone's."

"Cas."

"Well it could be."

"I don't want to freak you out, but she's been calling. And it kind of adds up."

Cas nodded, then shrugged. And then he was walking faster than normal toward the bathroom as the vomit made it’s way up his throat.

Cas sat, hovered over the toilet until he was sure he was done. He looked down at his shirt, puke had splattered up all over it and his face. He wiped it off and then stuck his face under the faucet.

"It's just the weed and alcohol." He told his reflection when he looked in the mirror. He took a deep breath and thought _you know how Jess is._

When Cas went downstairs, Sam and Dean still weren’t there, but Jessica was sitting at the table with four shots already waiting for them.

They each took two, both wincing as the burn settled in their stomachs.

“I’ll call her tomorrow.” Cas said, and Jessica nodded. “Maybe it isn’t even mine.” He said. She nodded again. Cas reached for the bottle and took a long swig. “Maybe you’re wrong.”

Jessica looked at him with sad tinted eyes. “Maybe.” She said. “We’ll worry about it tomorrow.”

When Sam and Dean walked in, Cas and Jessica were already passed the buzzing stage.

“Sorry it took so long.” Sam said, walking over to kiss Jessica.

“They were freaking determined to argue about every damn thing we had to say.” Dean shook his head. “Looks like we missed the party.” Dean smiled, pointing at the mostly empty bottle.

“More like just in time.” Cas held out his hand to Jessica who handed over a joint.

About an hour later, Cas and Dean laid in the guest bed. They were staring at the ceiling, Cas feeling the bedspins. He ran his hand against Dean’s arm, then moved it all over his body. He kept blacking out and back in, but he felt good.

When his head came back, he was on top of Dean, their clothes half off, and he was grinding his teeth against his chest, stopping to suck, pulling Dean’s skin into his mouth hard. Dean moaned and thrusted, which made Cas groan louder than usual.  

“Shh.” Dean said, flipping Cas over and climbing on him. “God, I want you.” Dean barely said into Cas’ ear as he pulled off his boxer briefs.

They kissed hard and sighed into each other’s mouths. Cas pushed into him, pressing his body to Deans, opening his mouth wider and sliding his tongue in.

“I want you too.” Cas said, arching his back and dragging his fingers down Dean’s back.

The TV from the living room turned on. Cas heard the bubble sounds from the playstation as either Sam or Jessica was scrolling through. They laughed quietly and then Dean leaned back down and kissed Cas until Cas was lifting his ass off the ground trying to push his dick onto Dean’s.

Dean groaned as he grabbed both his and Cas’ dicks in his hand and jacked them off until Cas was covering his mouth closed, breathing hard into it, as cum spilled onto his stomach.

“Fuck.” Cas said, running his fingers in it.

“God, I know.” Dean said, watching Cas. “That’s hot.” He said.

Cas laughed and Dean rolled over.  They laid there, both quiet except for their breathing trying to slow down. Dean finally got up and grabbed a roll of toilet paper. He tossed it at Cas and went back to take a piss and clean up.

“I'm exhausted.” Cas said, when Dean crawled back in bed. He snuggled his naked body into Dean’s and laid his chin on Dean’s shoulder. Cas pressed his lips to Dean’s neck right as he gave to the darkness.

 

Every once in awhile Cas would wake up to Dean laughing and saying “oh shit” to the TV. And each time, Cas willed himself to wake up, but the heaviness took him back under until footsteps sounded around the house and the microwave started beeping. Cas sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Look who’s alive.” Dean said, rubbing his fingers along Cas’ back.

Cas laid his head back down, rolled over, and wrapped his arm around Dean’s stomach. Dean leaned down with him and pulled Cas closer into him.

And then it all came rushing back.

“Oh god.” He said into his hands as he covered up his face.

“Something wrong?” Dean asked.

Cas shook his head and tried to compose himself. “Just feel sick.” He said. “What time is it?” Cas looked at his phone. “I promised my parents I’d hang out with them today.”

Dean’s face fell and Cas felt another knot grow in his stomach. “I probably need to head back to the house anyway.” Dean said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Come see me soon?” Dean pulled Cas into him and kissed him on the temple.

“So soon.” Cas breathed out, letting his head rest against Dean’s.

 

When he got home, he went up to his room and dialed Meg’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. He threw the phone on the bed and decided he’d take a shower and make his mom and dad breakfast before they woke up.

He was in the middle of jumping out of the way of grease splatters when his phone rang. It was an unknown number and when he answered, a voice sounded saying “Someone would like to contact you from Seminole County jail, do you accept?”

“Yes.” He said, as the voice started to repeat the message. But his head started to run wild and he completely forgot about the popping noises from the skillet.

The phone rang, then and a quiet “Hello” came from the other end.

“Hello?” Cas said back.

“Cas, it’s Meg.” She spoke up and then started to speak extremely fast. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.” Meg said.

“What did you do?” Cas said, sitting down at the table.

“My friends and I got pulled over this morning, they had meth on them. And I, well, I was drunk.” Meg stopped talking for a moment and the only sound was the slight crackling from her side. “I’m pregnant, Cas. It’s yours and I’ve been trying to tell you.”

The smoke alarm started to scream throughout the house. Cas heard his parents thumping around. He heard them running down the stairs.

“Cas, I need your help.” Meg pleaded over the phone.

Cas watched as his dad waved through the air, trying to get the smoke to disappear. His mom flipped off the stove. They were yelling at him, but he couldn’t hear their voices. And then his mom was ripping the phone away and started to talk into it. His father had both hands on his face but he still couldn’t focus.

He felt his head start to fall. And nothing else.

 

"Cas?" His dad's voice broke through the haziness his head was still under.

"Honey?" His mom stepped into view and bent down beside him. "Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Stay still, son." Cas heard his dad again, but they sounded so muffled. So distant.

He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. His chest was tight and he could feel tiny pings of pain.

Cas relaxed as his mom wrapped her fingers around his hand. "It'll be okay, honey." She said.

So they knew.

 

Cas was sitting in the jail lobby room waiting on his name to be called. He sat alone, watching other people file in and out. A couple kid were running around while a woman cried into her phone before they finally left. When they did, a sturdy woman came out and motioned her hand at Cas.

He followed her to another small room where they made him empty out his pockets and did a quick search.

"You can go." She grunted and held a steel door open.

He walked into a bare room with only a few tables and chairs scattered around. Meg sat in the corner. She had purple bags under her eyes and Cas could tell she had been crying by the blotchy hives covering her face and chest.

"Hi, Cas." She said quietly, not making eye contact.

Cas just sat down, letting the scrape of metal on tile speak for him.

"I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"What the fuck, Meg?" Cas finally asked. "What are you even doing?"

"I don't know." She stayed looking at her lap.

"You look like shit." He crossed his arms. He didn't mean to feel so good about putting her down, but he did.

"I know."

"How do you know it's mine?" Cas propped his elbows on the table and leaned forward, challenging her.

"Because drugs are better than sex." She bit out, finally looking him in the eye.

"I don't believe that for a minute."

"I don't care. I'm telling you that you have a child, and this is my third time in jail this year. I'm not getting out, okay?" Meg sat back in the chair and crossed her arms to match Cas. "It's too late for an abortion. So your pick, man."

“How far along are you?”

“Six months.”

“No way, Meg.” Cas found a piece of thread from the crotch of his jeans and wrapped it around his finger until it started to throb. “You’re way too small.” He said, yanking the string.

“Well, I’m not exactly getting mother of the year award.”

"You’re disgusting. I want a DNA test."

"It's not gonna tell you any different than I have."

"It's more trustworthy that's for damn sure. Cas stood up too fast, his chair knocking to the ground. A guard took a step forward before looking up to see it was nothing.

“As you wish, Cassie.”

“Shut the hell up.” Cas said before walking out of the room and back into the below freezing weather where he could finally catch his breath.

 

Cas and Jessica were sitting in his car outside the apartment complex. Neither one of them saying much. Cas mostly focused on how the heater pushed dust particles out of the vents. He watched as they floated toward the dash, landing in the sun, and disappearing while Jessica opened and closed her mouth over and over again.

Cas’ mind was screaming. _What if it was his? What would he do? Could he even be a dad? Did he want to be? It would be too hard. The baby could be messed up. Would be. Probably. Maybe. Maybe it wasn’t his. Dean. What would he tell Dean? Would Dean stay?_

_What the fuck was he going to do?_

He couldn’t slow it down. He couldn’t control what thought popped up next. He needed to go home.

 

Cas’ parents were sitting at the table when he walked in. The house was quiet and dark. He felt his phone vibrate but he couldn’t bring himself to look.  When he looked into his mom’s worried eyes, he lost it.

Tears ran down his cheeks as he walked into the kitchen. Even in the warmth, he felt himself shaking.

“I’m trying not to freak out.” Cas got out. “I’m trying.”

His mom nodded and pulled him into a hug.

“Tell me what to do if it is. I need you to tell me what to do.”

“We can’t do that, honey.” Cas felt her shake her head against his shoulder. “But I told you it’ll be okay.”

Cas could still smell the faint scent of smoke and burnt bacon grease lingering in the air as he pulled away from his mom and willed himself to pull it together.

 

 _What do I tell Dean?_ He thought again when he pulled out his phone to reply. He decided he’d wait. He decided he’d go back to bed.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'll be posting updates on my Tumblr, [here](http://notrecielrose.tumblr.com/) , before I do on AO3


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